we're blogging at a bar
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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