so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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