Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
