in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
