We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
