Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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