I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
