the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dick very happy bro
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
