I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
