So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
