oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
