Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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