hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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