no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
