he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
