I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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