so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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