Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
