Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
