I wannas sexs uuuuu
Michael Bay diarrhea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
