help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
