dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
