You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
