Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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