Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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