i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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