I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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