im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
