apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
