Midget sex pt 2 tonight
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
