it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
