Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
