What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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