you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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