i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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