You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
