That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
