don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
