I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
