i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
