Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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