I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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