apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
operation have a gay friend backfired
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
