i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
