i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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