Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
