Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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