My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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