Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
