The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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