Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
