that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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